Louisa's second baby, Joe, was born at home in 2001, under the care of an independent midwife. Her first baby, Ellie, was born in hospital - an assisted delivery using a ventouse.
My first child, Ellie, had been born in hospital. The majority of my birthing experience was fine, but the last 2 hours and particularly the last 40 minutes or so were horrible. In fact my memory of her ventouse delivery was so awful that I just blocked it out for ages.
Labour commenced with my waters breaking at 11pm on the 8 May 1999. 2 days before my due date. I went into hospital, as I'd been advised to do if waters break. We arrived at 2am, I was monitored and told that I was 3 cms dilated. This was a pleasant surprise. We got organised to go back home as I wanted to labour as long as possible in my own environment. The midwife briefly left the room and by the time she'd returned I'd changed my mind. The contractions had started to really bite and I couldn't face the thought of the car journey.
I was luckily able to get straight into a birthing pool. I then had a textbook labour, dilating a centimetre an hour. However, by 6 cm the pain was too much. I was readily offered an epidural. I wish gentle persuasion had been used to encourage me to at least try and manage through some more contractions without this drastic measure, as things went downhill from then on. An epidural meant leaving the water and moving to a different room.
By 6am I was feeling the urge to push. I asked if I could push (I was now on to my 3rd midwife). I wasn't convinced I should push as I could easily breathe through the contractions and the urge wasn't great. I thought it was supposed to be unstoppable. Maybe it was because of the epidural - no one ever told me. After 40 mins of absolutely nothing happening I asked if I could be examined. I wish this had been done sooner as there was still an anterior lip.
By now I was very tired and had lost all confidence in my ability to push the baby out. After another 30 mins my midwife (a 4th one, what a great time for a staff changeover - mid 2nd stage of labour!) said she wanted to call the obstetrician. I had to get her to spell out what that meant. Now as any women who has been in labour will know, speaking isn't always easy at this particular point in time let alone negotiating with health care professionals about what they are intending to do with your body. The need for an assisted delivery was pronounced. It was a mad rush from there on. Mark and I felt out of control. We were out of our depth; if this was what they said needed to be done then we felt ill-equipped to argue.
I HATED what happened next. Legs in stirrups, an episiotomy, and then a hideous tug-of-war. No one bothered to tell me to open my tightly shut eyes as my daughter was finally brought into this world. So on top of feeling like I'd not given birth myself, I didn't even get to see her coming out of my body. I was stitched up by a trainee obstetrician against the wishes of my birth plan and had the unpleasantness of hearing the conversation between the obstetrician and his trainee ,"No, a little further in, no stitch there, yes that's better….." And of course it took twice as long.
So when I became pregnant in August 2000 I decided it would be different!!
I informed my midwife straight away that I planned a home birth. She was supportive, I felt good. However, by 28 weeks pregnant I was disillusioned with the care available to me. Each antenatal visit meant a different midwife. The support for a home birth waned as I moved further into my pregnancy. I realised that I felt as if my husband and I were doing it alone and that there was a real possibility that we wouldn't previously meet the midwife who delivered our baby. Not a confidence-inspiring situation for a home birth.
I started researching alternatives. By now I was 30 weeks pregnant and feeling quite anxious about my plans for a home birth. The only solution seemed to be an independent midwife. Things became very different after Andrea became my midwife. We clicked from the moment we met and I knew that I had found my perfect team-mate in achieving a home birth. I had also decided that I wanted to use water as a labour aid. I was remaining open-minded about whether or not to deliver in the water. I decided to wait and see how I felt at the time.
Andrea provided me with invaluable information including baby positioning, self-hypnosis techniques, aromatherapy, homeopathy and reflexology. All natural and gentle aids for labour preparation and labour day itself. I made great efforts to be completely mentally prepared. As my due date approached my confidence levels were sky high. I had total self-belief in my body's ability to do this and my ability mentally to support what my body would do naturally. Physically, however, I was suffering. I am only just 5'3" and my bump reached 2" short of my knees when I sat down. I could hardly walk and had stopped going out because of the stares. I looked ENORMOUS.
I couldn't believe it when the equivalent day in my pregnancy that I went into labour with Ellie came and went. I was so sure that this baby would be early. It was obviously wishful thinking as I was feeling so uncomfortable. To ease my frustration and to try and encourage some activity I had a reflexology appointment. This was on the evening of the 11th May.
The following evening we'd finished dinner (pasta) and I was feeling restless. I decided to wipe down all the shelves in the kitchen. Mark, my husband leaned over to my 16 year old stepson, Carl and said, "Louisa is demonstrating typical nesting instincts. Labour must be imminent". We all laughed fairly dismissively I have to say. I then went into our cloakroom - I felt that this needed a bit of a clean.
"Oooh, that felt interesting", I thought to myself. I looked at my watch, it was 9.40pm on the 12th May, the day before my due date. I had another 'twinge'. I looked at my watch again. It was 9.46, and it felt stronger than the first. "I don't want to alarm you two boys, but I'm having some interesting twinges".
Carl thought I was teasing. After 30 mins of regular twinges that were becoming stronger each time, we decided to call Andrea. I didn't want her snuggling up in bed only to drag her out again. By 10.30pm the contractions were coming every 4 mins and gathering pace. I felt calm. I didn't think ahead, I just dealt with the now. I called my twin sister, Sarah - she had to hot-foot it from Kent. I needed an extra pair of hands in case Ellie woke up.
Carl was excellent - he timed the contractions. By about midnight the contractions needed my whole concentration. I told Carl that he could escape to his room if he wanted. I needed to feel uninhibited and I knew he wasn't keen to share the experience. Sarah had arrived and together with Mark they provided quiet, gentle, calm support.
By now I needed support to get through contractions. I had to have either Mark or Sarah next to me to comfort me as I worked through the contractions. I had incredible back pain. I decided I wanted a shower. It was quite a job working my way upstairs into our bathroom between contractions which were coming thick and fast. I vaguely wondered if I should call Andrea. I virtually had to leap into the shower to have a hope of finishing before the next contraction. I did not want to be stuck in the shower through the awful back pain. I managed to stumble out just in time.
We made our interesting journey back into the lounge. I was becoming annoyed as I could not find a 'comfortable' position to ride the contractions. Andrea was called; it was only about 1am when she arrived. She palpated my stomach - there was no internal examination. She asked me if I would like to get into the pool. I had been determined to only use the pool when I couldn't manage the pain outside the pool anymore. My pain relief options were limited and I didn't want to use them all up on the easy stuff.
Just before I climbed into the water I hugged Mark. It felt like a momentous moment. I knew that I would be stepping out of the water a mother for the second time. I can't describe the blissful feeling of submerging into that soothing blanket of water. It was amazing. The pain was suddenly bearable. I can highly recommend it as a labour aid even if the thought of delivering in the water doesn't grab you. Time lost all meaning. I had started to vocalise through the contractions just before I went into the water. I hadn't planned this, but it was incredibly grounding and helpful. I could see the funny side however, of the strange noises I was making. Mark confessed later to having to bite his lip on a few occasions due to the wobbly ghost-like noises I made during particularly intense contractions.
I vomited. This didn't worry me. I knew it meant I was nearing the end of this amazing journey. My waters had 'broken' and caused much excitement as the membranes hadn't actually ruptured. The membranes fell out intact with the amniotic fluid bulging inside. It looked and felt very odd. It was a new experience even for the extremely experienced Andrea. I reached down and pulled at the surprisingly tough bag of water myself. It took quite an effort to pierce it.
When the pushing contractions started I initially didn't have the confidence to help my body. This was the bit where it went 'wrong' before. I had no memory of pushing Ellie out; no memory of the sensations. I just let my body get on with it for a while as I got used to the feeling. I then had a bit of a mental battle. It hurt and I reasoned that the best way to stop the pain was to speed up the process even if this meant increasing the pain in the short term. Of course pushing into the pain actually seems to make it more bearable anyway.
I vaguely recall thinking that the second stage seemed to be taking a while, but this was what it was like with Ellie so it was familiar. Finally the head was born. I was kneeling up hanging over the edge of the pool. No amazing feeling of relief though. If anything the pain then felt worse!! I couldn't tell if I was having a contraction or not as the pain was intense and constant. I kept pushing, but nothing happened. No baby slipped out. Andrea gently suggested I try turning around and asked me to lift my bottom up nearer to the surface of the water. I thought Andrea was tugging at the baby, but in fact I was feeling my baby's head turn. It was an incredible sensation. I was getting a little bit anxious now. The baby still wasn't out. I was trying hard to push, but seemed to have lost my coordination. Andrea gently eased the baby and he finally came out.
I put my hands into the water and carefully guided my beautiful baby up out of the water into my arms. It was 3.10am on my due date! I just couldn't believe it! I had just delivered my baby exactly as I had dreamed and wished for. I had watched as my baby left my body and I brought him up into the cradle of my arms. I have never felt so happy, proud, joyful. It is a memory etched in my heart.
My baby was quiet, but a few short blows of both mine and Andrea's breath onto his face and a drop of Rescue Remedy and he was crying lustily. Mark leant over and kissed us both, another precious memory to be treasured. It was then I thought that I ought to see what he was. "Hello Joseph" I said.
I held him for a while, but then realised I was in growing pain. I didn't feel safe holding Joseph. Andrea took quick action. Mark cut the cord and had his first cuddle of his second son. I felt awful, Andrea asked me to stand, but I was in too much pain. She had to be quite firm to repeat her request that I stand. As I did so I delivered the placenta. It was enormous. The reason for my pain became clear. The huge placenta must have pretty much followed Joseph down the birth canal and was pushing against my coccyx. I felt much better!!
The rest of the experience was truly wonderful. I felt totally wrapped up in the fantastic care of Mark, Sarah, Andrea and Anya. (Anya was a midwife from Germany shadowing Andrea to return to Germany with some home birth experience). I sat on my own sofa as Joseph was examined in front of me on my lap. Not whisked away into some far corner of a hospital delivery room. I helped weigh him and enjoyed the gasp of surprise as Andrea converted the metric into a weight we could all comprehend, "ten pounds and half an ounce". No wonder he took a while to make his way out!!
I had a second degree tear and Andrea and I agreed on a remedy of bed rest rather than suturing. A huge improvement on the 7 stitches I suffered after Ellie's birth (8 lbs 4ozs). We all ate toast and drank tea as the sun came up. "The sun is coming up over my son" I said rather sentimentally. Joseph was snuggled up against me, skin-to-skin and already feeding happily. After a while Andrea whispered to me that I ought to tell Sarah she could go home. My poor sister was virtually dropping off in the chair. I had forgotten about a new mother's euphoria.
Andrea and Anya made me feel like a princess. They literally took care of every need. My bath was run for me, my bed freshly made. In no time at all Joseph and I were snuggled up in bed together for a well-earned rest. Mark cleared up downstairs. I drifted off to sleep looking forward to introducing Ellie to her new baby brother and feeling like I'd won the lottery 10 times over.
I have never felt more proud or happy at what I achieved. It has helped heal the wounds remaining after Ellie's birth, but it has also left me feeling more angry in some ways. Hospital birth does not need to be the dehumanising experience it so often is. It should be possible to create something more like the wonderful, beautiful experience I had with Joseph. That way we would feel like there was more of a choice.
Anyway, as a footnote, Joseph is simply thriving. He is a bundle of sunshine. At six months old he already has 2 teeth, he's sitting up, says "mamamama" and weighs, wait for it……27llbs!!! And he has the most attentive and adoring older sister.
Two things that may have become a bit lost in the writing of my experience:
Firstly, I only briefly mention self-hypnosis. However, I listened to my tape every day for 10 weeks prior to Jo’s birth and I know it helped create my huge sense of empowerment and confidence. I felt that I had experienced the birth over and over again in my imagination and this left me full of confidence, even excitement at the prospect of going through the experience in real life.
Secondly, I wanted to highlight the potential benefits of reflexology in avoiding going too far beyond your due date. It apparently will only work if you are ‘ripe’ for birth anyway, but it can help get things moving. I went into labour 25 hours after the end of my session. Obviously I have no way of proving it was due to the reflexology and not something that would have happened anyway, but I feel it may be a useful additional aid that women can use alongside, raspberry leaf tea, curry, sex etc. It’s non invasive and wonderfully relaxing even if nothing results from it.
I am also conscious that I say little of Mark, Sarah or Andrea’s involvement during my labour and birth. This was because I was so totally inwardly focused that, to be honest, I was only vaguely aware of what was going on around me. However I could feel their presence and that was mainly all I needed.
Louisa Todd
mark_todd@ntlworld.com
Louisa's midwife, Andrea Dombrowe, practices as Surrey Independent Midwives with Andrya Prescott (www.surreyindependentmidwives.co.uk).
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