I have, since I was a teenager, always expected that any baby I had would be born at home. So when I came down with pre-eclampsia with my daughter, Maia, I was shocked and horrified that they wanted me in hospital and wanted to induce me. I fought for seven days, but eventually agreed to the induction - which failed - and eventually agreed to a caesarean. I had at that stage all of the stuffing knocked out of me. I didn't have the confidence to try for another home birth.
When I became pregnant this time I was aware that I didn't agree with the NHS's "rules" for VBAC births. I wrote to Pembury Hospital asking specific questions about things such as using the birthing pool and the use of a hand-held monitor. The reply made it clear that I was on a collision course with them. At the same time I started to read VBAC websites and other info and realised that I really HAD NO CHOICE but to go for a home birth. I knew from Pembury's "guidelines" that if I put my foot down they would send out a midwife to me at home. But I decided I didn't want this birth to be a fight and I employed Virginia Howes to be my independent midwife.
The main difference in the care I received from Virginia to that of my NHS midwife last time [who always came to my home as well] was that her overwhelming expectations were that it would happen the way I wanted. My NHS midwife, who I liked as a person, always talked about ifs and buts and conned me to sign forms about going into hospital if XYZ happened.
Diana has written a separate article about "Why I chose an independent midwife" where she elaborates on these differences, and how she justified the expense!
It was all new to me as I had never experienced labour, let alone even had a contraction. On Monday I had what I thought might be a show. Then around Tuesday morning I awoke around 2am and realised that I was having very mild contractions. These continued throughout Tuesday until about 11pm Tuesday evening when they became painful. Each time I had one I had to get out of bed and walk around with the Tens machine. They were coming every 5 minutes through the night [although I think I slept through the occasional one]. At 7am I called Virginia and she arrived by 8am.
Cliff didn't start filling the pool until 8.30am, so it wasn't full enough until about 10.30am. I had started yelling with contractions around 9am - but still found walking around during contractions the best. I was hesitant about getting in the pool because I felt that I would need to stand up with every contraction. But I was more comfortable in the pool. Later on around lunchtime I asked for gas and air. It didn't seem to take the edge off the contractions, but it really helped me to breathe in and out deeply and stopped the screaming - which was making my throat raw.
I stayed in the pool until Virginia said she thought it was a good idea to do an internal. In theory I thought I wouldn't mind internals [they were one of my greatest bug bears about the experience of having Maia in hospital], but I really didn't want one when it came down to it. But I knew she was right and inside me wanted to know how well dilated I was. Eventually I got out of the pool and had the internal. Apparently I had fallen asleep very briefly in the pool. Virginia said I was 7-8cm's dilated. But at this point I was started to get a bit negative and replied: "so you mean 7". In reality it must have been 8.
I asked her if I could have pethidine, but she said if I had it I would have to come out of the pool in case the baby was born floppy. So I decided against it - knowing in my heart of hearts that it was the wrong thing to do at that point. She encouraged me to walk to the end of the hall and back, which took a good 10 minutes. Once I got back to the lounge I had one contraction in which I started pushing involuntarily.
I went back into the pool then. I remember feeling very negative and asking if I could go to Pembury [knowing full well this was ridiculous as I couldn't have faced the drive] and have an epidural :). Several times I said I couldn't go on. But I knew in my heart of hearts that I could and I had to. I really didn't believe that Virginia and Cliff could see the head. But I began to feel it crowning after about an hour and a bit of pushing. Once it did crown, I could see the end was in sight. I knew in my head I should be breathing the baby out, etc etc, but I just wanted to get it out, tear or no tear! After three or four contractions the head popped out. What a relief that was. It was then one more big contraction and the body followed. I have never felt so relieved in my entire life. He came to the surface and started breathing immediately - so I didn't have to get out of the pool. After a few minutes Virginia put a stool in the water for me to sit on. Within 10 minutes there was another contraction and the placenta shot out. I didn't realise they could come so quickly without drugs.
I had torn, but not bady. In the immediate aftermath I was quite shocked at just how intense giving birth is.
It's now five days after the event and I am very glad I did give birth at home. I'm sure going to hospital would have been the first step in a very quick slippery path to intervention. After my caesarean I was too ashamed to tell anyone that didn't need to know that I had had one. In the last five days I have told everyone I know that number 1 was by caesarean and this one was at home. I was hoping that it might be inspirational to other women in my situation. I've certainly spoken to two women I know who had caesareans first time around and who had serious doubts they would be able to give birth naturally in future.
When the doctor came around for the home visit he commented that the practice recommended women go to hospital as "all the evidence shows it is safer". What a load of baloney. Virginia is writing to him to point out that this is just plain wrong.
Although I've not been involved in the Homebirth UK email group email group so much in this pregnancy, I did get a lot of helpful support and information last time around. It's such a wonderful resource for anyone who wants a homebirth.
Diana Clement
Diana.clement at gmail.com
"Why I chose an independent midwife" by Diana Clement
Independent Midwives - what they do, and where to find one.
Vaginal Birth After Caesarean - what are the issues?
Homebirth UK email group email group
Caesarean.org.uk - support and information about caesarean birth and vaginal birth after caesarean.
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